President Obama signed the Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act on March 7, 2013. Among the new provisions of the Act is a requirement that universities provide prevention and awareness programs that educate students about prohibitions against sexual violence, including dating violence and stalking. Many campuses chose the online course from Agent of Change, including Princeton and Northwestern (click the Campus button for the complete list). Students must complete the course to register for classes.
The course is blatant brainwashing. The agenda includes:
- The campus rape crisis has reached epidemic proportions
- Most people will be sexually assaulted in their life
- You must constantly seek permission to continue a sexual encounter
- If you do not get explicit permission (“Yes”) at every point then it is rape
- Even a small amount of alcohol can render a person unable to give permission
- Rape makes you leave campus
- Rape claims are always true – never question them
- A rape victim requires therapy and must leave school
- Even the person hearing the claim may require therapy
Ultimately the goal of the brainwashing is to send more people into the mental health system so that they can be diagnosed with one or more disorders that will surely disable them or cause death if untreated. Furthermore the constant obsession with alcohol is used to coerce more students into alcohol treatment.
Students are trained in specific psychopathic behaviors like how to act in an abusive relationship, how to stalk, and how to harass each other.
There are some truly sickening scenes in the online training course. It is seemingly endless — it take at least 4 hours to complete. Evidently the students have nothing better to do? The lesson that students should be taught is: Do not rape or drug someone and being drunk or high is no excuse to rape or to assent to unwanted sexual contact.
Other lessons in the course include the fact that the root cause of violence is ‘disrespect’. For example, if someone makes catcalls then this gives other people the idea that it’s ok to disrespect and rape others. Yes, this is the actual logic used in the course.
In fact, the root cause of violence is failure to teach children basic moral principles. This course only teaches kids how to act like psychopaths. It’s truly repugnant.
The course is divided into about 60 segments each of which takes a couple minutes to complete, and are followed by multiple choice questions, which determine the follow up videos. The students are told that responses are completely confidential and there are no consequences for ‘wrong’ answers. However, answering the ‘wrong’ way often results in more videos that the student must sit through.
The course uses vile, offensive, and demeaning language. This course will undoubtedly increase the incidence of sexual assault, binge drinking, bullying, harassment, ‘mental illness’, and psychopathic behavior on campus. This hypothesis is easy to test just by comparing campuses with lower participation. A control group should have been built into the law but of course wasn’t.
Agent of Change is run by Carol Mosely, M.A. and Jeffrey S. Bucholtz, M.A. The web site was created by Dog and Rooster.
Here are the actual transcripts that demonstrate the rape agenda. The videos can be viewed at https://agentofchange.net/videoclips/:
2-heyana.mp4 – Miguel, this party won’t get going for a while. I’ve got a deck of cards, there’s a big table in the other room, wanna play some poker?
5-letsgo.mp4 – Totally. I heard this party is going to get pretty big.
(School is one big party and everyone gets drunk and everyone’s a superficial jerk and it’s normal to leave the empties out for days. Just like the movies.)
- Serena: Brittney, your hair looks good. I like those streaks.
- Brittney: Thanks, girl. I did it myself. It was cheap but fun.
- Jessica: Hey Brittney, have you seen Jill?
- Brittney: She was dancing with Scott Wilson earlier and then she left with him a little bit ago. Probably went back to his room.
- Jessica: Huh, I didn’t think Jill was Scott’s type.
- Brittney: Oh she’s exactly Scott’s type. Dancing like a slut with a short skirt, and she’s drunk enough for him to get in it. You know how Asian girls are all about being dominated and stuff. He’s going to give her exactly what she wants.
(Inoculate incoming students to disgusting stereotypes and lewd language – this is normal behavior.)
- Jessica: I’m worried about her. She was already pretty drunk when she got here and I saw Scott pouring her tequila shots.
- Brittney: Did you see her trying to dance? It was disgusting. She’s either trashed or pretending she is so she can be all over him.
- Miguel: Maybe she’s just a bad dancer.
- Ana: Brittney is right. A girl with any pride would never act like that. She’s not even interested in Scott; she told me she likes someone else.
- Serena: Scott can see how drunk she is. What’s his problem?
- Brittney: Why is it Scott’s problem? Jill’s the one who decided to get drunk and be stupid.
(Getting wasted and raped happens all the time.)
- Serena: Cause he’s the one giving her shots and leading her toward a bedroom, that’s why.
- Ana: Maybe he can’t tell how drunk she is?
- Miguel: Are you serious? We can all tell how drunk she is, and Scott has a Ph.D. in alcohol. He knows she’s drunk. He does this all time.
- Ana: But, he’s drunk, too.
- Miguel: Like I just said, he drinks A LOT — he’s not that drunk.
- Jessica: By my first month, I could already tell when someone was too drunk to know what they were doing. Scott knows what he’s doing; Jill doesn’t.
- Brittney: I don’t know why you guys care so much. Jill’s a big girl and has made her choice. It’s none of your business, so stop being so uptight. Try and have some fun tonight.
- Jessica: You mean you’ve never done anything stupid, that you regretted?
- Ana: Yeah Brittney, what about last weekend?
- Brittney: Shut up, Ana. That was different.
- Brittney: It’s not fair to blame Scott. He’s being a normal guy at a party–getting a girl really drunk and trying to get laid.
- Jessica: Tell Scott that she’s too drunk and I want to take her back to her suite.
- Brittney: Right… because that won’t piss off Scott.
(College students talk endlessly about getting drunk and wasted and raped.)
- Brittney: Oh my god you sound like such a little girl. You’re one of those guys who saves himself for his girlfriend. Not every guy is like you.
- Miguel: Those guys call all women sluts; they don’t respect any girls, or at least that’s how they talk around other guys. I know they aren’t all rapists but I don’t think the real rapists know that. They think those guys are just like them.
(Mindless blather modeled for the incoming students supposedly to reassure them that not all guys are rapists.)
- Serena: You’re right about that. It’s everybody’s fault. We all get fed the same lines, the same stories. The stuff you and Brittney are saying is just as bad as if a guy said it. When you call Jill a slut you’re saying that any woman who flirts a lot or dresses a certain way deserves to be violated, which sets up all women to be blamed when something happens. Please, at least think about not calling women sluts.
(Blame society and name calling for irresponsible behavior.)
- Ana: It’s true that I never thought about how people use the word slut. I never thought about how that lets us blame girls for what happens. I worry about how much guys get blamed but never thought about all the blame we put on girls who get assaulted. Getting drunk and acting slutty, sorry, I mean flirty, doesn’t mean you deserve to get raped. I don’t want all guys to get blamed, but the guys who take advantage of drunk girls, they deserve the blame. They’re responsible.
(Pretzel logic to confuse everyone but the bottom line is if a girl is drunk then the guy is raping her.)
- Scott: Charles, where’s the cute chick you were eyeing earlier?
- Charles: Eh whatever…she wasn’t interested in hooking up so I’m stuck with you guys.
- Adam: Dude, you obviously know nothing about hooking up. Go back over to that hottie and take some drinks. She just hasn’t had enough alcohol yet.
- Scott: Drunk girls are the best.
(Guys are always scheming and talking trash about girls.)
- Scott: Lighten up. Girls at these parties always end up shitfaced one way or another. What’s the big deal if you help speed it up?
(Guys always talk crassly about women.)
- Scott: Okay, fine, but listen, girls play games. They dress like hookers and dance like sluts just to make guys horny. But that teasing gets old.
- Adam: Exactly. Do girls really expect guys to listen when they are grinding against them and then they say, “wait, I don’t know, this is too fast?” Every guy knows that’s just a test to see who’s a little pussy and who’s a real man that can still get it done. Our job is to take charge and go after it.
- Ana: Your job? Your job is to be a decent person. And yeah, I do expect the guys I’m with to listen to me. Game playing or not, yes means yes and everything else means no.
(Everyone is playing games, might as well get used to it – ‘decent’ guys finish last.)
- Ana: What about the messed-up spot women are in? We’re pressured to look and act a certain way to attract guys and then we get punished for it.
(Blame society for rape.)
- Adam: We are not talking about rape and I’m not a rapist.
- Scott : Yeah, exactly. We’re just frustrated because women send mixed signals and somehow we’re supposed to magically know how to interpret them.
(Denial of being a rapist makes you a rapist.)
- Charles: And I say you’re the one who’s confused about the difference between sex and rape.
- Cal: Looks like Jill has had too much of this party.
- Jessica: I’m taking her back to her room. Maybe I’ll come back later.
- Miguel: Do you need some help?
- Jessica: Sure, take the other side. She can’t really walk.
(Getting drunk is expected.)
- Ana: Besides, now that I’ve seen how drunk Jill is, I’m kinda worried about her. And you’re acting like a jerk. Don’t you care at all?
- Cal: She just drank too much. She’ll be fine tomorrow. Well, maybe not tomorrow, but in a couple of days. Jessica and Miguel took her home. What else could we do?
- Ana: I don’t know…but Scott was with her. Do you think Scott DID do something to her?
- Cal: You mean, like he raped her? Oh, come on, she just drank too much.
(Getting drunk will take you out of commission for a couple days, and results in rape.)
- Ana: Is Jill OK?
- Miguel: I don’t know. She wouldn’t talk to us. Maybe she’s too wasted to talk. Jessica stayed to try to get her to drink some water before she passes out.
- Cal: Ana thinks Scott may have done something to her.
- Miguel: I guess we won’t know unless she wants to tell us. She might need a few days to sort it out. I’ll check on her tomorrow.
- Cal: Are you going to ask if something happened?
- Miguel: I’ll ask her if there’s anything she wants to talk about, and yeah, maybe I’ll ask if something happened.
- Cal: What…if she says yes, are you going to call the cops or something?
(If a girl is drunk then she was probably raped – ask if ‘something happened’.)
- Miguel: Right. I’ll tell her I’ll help her do whatever she wants to do.
- Cal: Why wouldn’t she call the police if he raped her? I would call them immediately and get his ass thrown in jail.
- Miguel: Man, you have no idea how you would feel if you were sexually assaulted.
- Ana: I know I wouldn’t call the police. I don’t think I would tell anyone.
- Cal: Why?
- Ana: Cause everyone would say it’s my fault. You saw how drunk Jill was. Everyone will say it’s her fault for putting herself in that position. Or they’ll just say Scott misunderstood cause she didn’t say no the right way. I know how people talk about girls who say they were raped. It’s always their fault for being drunk or stupid or for dressing like a slut or not fighting back. I wouldn’t put myself through all that.
- Miguel: Yeah, a girl in my high school said a guy raped her and, when she reported it, everyone turned on her. It was hell for her. Has anyone ever told you they were sexually assaulted?
(If a girl is raped she won’t report it but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.)
- Cal: Wow, I’ve heard it happens a lot but nobody has ever told me it happened to them. I wouldn’t know what to do. How can I know what happened between Jill and Scott?
- Miguel: We may never know what really happened. But for me, when someone tells me that they’ve been assaulted, I believe them.
- Cal: But Jill and Scott are both my friends.
(Sexual assault happens all the time – Believe it, even if your ‘friend’ is the rapist!)
- Miguel: You don’t have to take sides. If you want to be helpful, here’s something you can do – stop yelling at girls walking down the street. I heard you, and Jill heard you.
- Cal: Oh, man, not you, too. That is nothing like what we’re talking about.
- Miguel: It’s nothing like raping someone, but the two things are connected. They’re both violations. You don’t care if the girls you’re yelling at are hurt by what you’re saying–it’s like you think they deserve to be yelled at, it’s like they should just accept it and move on. You’re encouraging some other guy to think hurting women is OK.
(Yelling at girls leads to raping.)
- Miguel: We can’t put the burden of ending rape on the survivors. They have enough to do taking care of themselves. The rest of us should be trying to make it so survivors don’t feel blamed, so they know they will have support if they decide to report it. We can start by pointing out the connections between harassment and assault to people like Cal because I don’t think he sees it, and I don’t think he wants to cause harm.
(Rape survivors can’t stop rape – it’s up to everyone.)
- Serena: I agree. Any good relationship has got to have trust in it. That’s way more fun.
- Charles: I can see your point.
- Serena: Not to mention, I can say from personal experience that being in a relationship that is 24/7 with your boyfriend is NOT fun. You lose a lot of yourself along the way.
- Ana: I know, it just sounds so horrible having a boyfriend who takes you EVERYWHERE and buys you EVERYTHING. Sometimes I don’t get why the two of you broke up.
- Cal: Wow, Serena. What’d you do to mess up that relationship. He was clearly into you.
- Serena: Why would you assume I did something wrong, Cal? I loved him and I knew there would be good times and bad. I tried to work through it for three years, but I finally realized how extreme the bad part of the relationship had gotten.
- Charles: Did he ever hit you?
- Serena: He never physically hit me, but about the last six months of our relationship, there were a handful of times he’d throw something at the wall or near me to try and scare me.
- Cal: So then he didn’t abuse you.
(Lecturing each other on the nature of love, teaching each other how to abuse each other.)
- Ana: So what happened then?
- Serena: We started dating when I was a freshman in high school and he was a junior. Things weren’t bad the first year. Besides, it was cool having a boyfriend who could drive and had his own money from working on the weekends. But things changed when I was a sophomore and he was a senior.
- Cal: He sounds like a guy who was just taking care of his girl.
- Serena: Really, Cal? He put gas in my car because he controlled where I went. He bought dinner because he controlled which restaurant we went to. He’d even order my food for me, right down to the temperature of my steak. He bought me clothes but that’s because he was controlling what I wore, and when I wore it. I used to have fun going out with my friends, but that faded away after dating him for three months. He would question why I couldn’t bring him out on girls’ night. He always made me feel bad for going out without him. I felt like I was losing myself.
- Cal: No offense, but if things were so bad, then why’d you stick around that long? Aren’t you a bit to blame too since you stayed?
(How to reinterpret a relationship to make it abusive.)
- Cal: C’mon! She stayed. What more could she do to support him than that?
- Miguel: Cal, you’re missing the point. Her choice to stay didn’t make him abusive.
- Serena: Exactly. I stayed because I loved him, and he just took advantage of that.
- Charles: That’s messed up. Nobody deserves to be in a relationship like that, so it’s good you’re out of it.
(How to blame the other person for the ‘abusive’ relationship. How to use ‘love’ to justify irresponsible behavior in some cases and not others.)
- Serena: Look, in the end, I left. He was jealous and possessive, and those are things I don’t need in my life–no one does.
- Charles: I actually knew a guy who was in a relationship like that. His girlfriend was totally jealous and possessive–she would lie and manipulate him to make him feel guilty all the time.
- Cal: Well, yeah, girls in relationships can get pretty crazy.
- Miguel: Man or woman, people like that are in it for the power they get controlling the other person. I think an act of love is when you tell someone you love them for who they are, and an act of control is when you tell someone you love them for who you want them to be. Not to mention, abusive relationships almost always get worse.
- Ana: I guess I see your point. It was probably best you got out, Serena.
- Serena: Thanks. Now I’m just focused on learning what I do want out of a relationship because I definitely know what I don’t want.
(More bloviating about relationships. Normal to lie and manipulate in relationships. How to revise memories of relationships.)
- Jill: What were they just saying on tv? Did they say she filed a restraining order against a woman? I didn’t know she was gay.
- Charles: She doesn’t look gay to me. Maybe it’s just some random stalker. But why does she need a restraining order? That seems a little dramatic.
- Jessica: Why does that seem dramatic?
- Charles: What’s a woman going to do to her?
- Jessica: Welcome to my world.
- Jill: What are you talking about?
- Jessica: You know I have an ex named Casey, right?
- Jill: Yeah, Miguel told me he met her last year.
- Jessica: Yeah, he met her just before we broke up. Since then she has been making my life hell.
- Charles: She’s still in love with you?
- Jessica: Threatening to tell my parents I’m a lesbian is not love. Neither is showing up outside my classes and demanding I talk to her after I’ve asked her to leave me alone. Or texting me 100 times in 3 hours–that’s not love.
(Stalking has become the norm – everyone has a stalker now. More blather on the nature of love vs stalking. Tips on how to act like a stalker.)
- Jill: I’m so sorry Jessica. I had no idea you were going through this. Is there anything I can do to help?
- Jessica: I’ve been embarrassed to tell anyone so it helps to finally do that. You know, you could go with me to talk to someone on campus and find out if there’s anything the school can do.
- Jill: Sure. I’ll look on the campus resources page and find out who helps with stuff like this.
- Charles: Are you thinking about a restraining order?
- Jessica: I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t want to make her more angry. That’s one thing I need to ask about.
(Get everyone involved in your drama.)
- Jessica: People don’t get it. Stalking is not a joke. You know, like when people say to a friend “I’m stalking you.” Do you remember that Valentine card we saw that said ‘Stalker’ on the front and inside it said ‘I prefer the word Valentine’?
- Charles: Yeah, I thought it was funny.
- Jessica: Exactly. You and a million other people. Just curious, do you think that’s funny?
(Politically correct thought police.)
- Jessica: I think part of the problem is that people just throw around the word stalking so casually, they don’t realize how serious it is.
- Jill: Well, I didn’t think it was particularly funny but it didn’t bother me. It seemed like another way of saying that true love is persistent. That’s what happens in most of my favorite movies. It’s romantic when the guy works to win over the girl, to convince her to be with him. I guess it would be a short movie if she told him no and he accepted that and went away.
(Thought police. Reinforcing stalking behavior as inevitable.)
- Brittney: Did you hear what those jerks were saying to me? First they say they’re gonna ‘tap that’ as I’m walking by. And when I go ‘are you talking to me’, they said no, not you bitch.
- Jessica: You should tell the RA.
- Brittney: Why would I do that?
- Jessica: What they’re doing is sexual harassment. It’s against the law.
- Charles: What? Calling her a bitch is against the law?
- Brittney: Wait, wait, wait. I’m not telling the RA. I don’t need any help. I know how to take care of this. I know where those guys live. They’re about to start having lots of pictures of their tiny little penises taped to their doors.
- Jessica: Brittney, if you do that, then you are sexually harassing them.
- Charles: What?! Pictures on a door is sexual harassment?
(Modeling despicable behavior.)
- Jessica: What exactly are you after, Brittney?
- Brittney: I’m gonna teach them a lesson. I’m gonna make sure they know how it feels to have someone be mean to them.
- Jessica: You think they’ll learn something from that?
- Charles: Yeah, Brittney. How old are you?
- Brittney: Are you defending them, Charles?
- Charles: No, I just think you’re being stupid. Can’t come up with another way to tell them how you feel?
Kids have nothing better to do than tease each other.
- Jill: Those guys do that all the time. I go up the back stairs in the afternoons so I don’t have to walk by them.
- Jessica: Jill, do those guys really do this all the time?
- Jill: Yeah, they started the week after move in. They don’t do it every day, but they hang around there a lot.
- Jessica: And nobody on the floor has complained?
- Jill: I don’t know. I haven’t.
- Charles: Why do guys do that?
- Jessica: I think they feel powerful when they can make other people uncomfortable.
- Brittney: I’ll show them a hostile environment. They’ll be calling their mommies saying come get me.
- Charles: I think you’re missing Jessica’s point, Brittney. It doesn’t matter what gender people are, this kind of stuff isn’t cool.
- Jessica: Right. Women sexually harass men and other women, and men sexually harass women and other men. And gays and lesbians and transgender people probably get harassed more than anyone else. But whoever it is, it’s wrong. And on campus, it’s illegal too.
- Brittney: Why should it be illegal?
(This harassment happens all the time, and revenge is normal and expected.)
- Charles: Exactly. So basically, it can affect anyone.
- Brittney: I’m not letting them affect me.
- Jessica: I can tell. I’d say it’s affecting you and Jill but in very different ways. Jill can’t walk down her own hall, and you’re so angry you’re out of control.
- Charles: I guess I can go say something to them.
- Jill: Then they’ll turn on you.
- Charles: Yeah, I know. I don’t even want to think about the names they would call me. And it won’t make a difference anyway. They don’t care what I think.
- Jessica: Well…I don’t know about that Charles. You might be surprised. I bet they rarely hear from a guy that it bothers him. I think it would mean a lot.
- Jill: That’s true. A guy has probably never told them to stop. Still, I think telling the RA is a good idea, too.
(The law of the jungle in the dorm rooms. Tell on people to get them in trouble and ramp up the drama.)
- Brittney: I don’t want to see Scott get in trouble. I mean, they were both drunk. Everybody should just forget about it and move on.
- Charles: If you drive drunk and hurt somebody, it’s your fault. Being drunk is no excuse.
(Drink, drunk, drinking drunk.)
- Brittney: Scott wouldn’t hurt Jill intentionally.
- Charles: I want to believe you’re right. But what if he hurt her cause he’s ignorant, or not thinking, or only thinking about himself? It’s still not OK.
(Drinking makes you hurt people unintentionally.)
- Charles: I’ve never heard you say anything like, “drunk girls are the best.” What was that all about?
- Scott: It was guy talk. No big deal.
- Ana: Guy talk? Do all guys really talk like that?
(Being drunk makes you act crazy. Remember SAE?)
- Scott: Most guys talk about getting laid. Most guys take pride in hooking up with a hot chick.
(Absurd blather. Why not quote the KKK?)
- Charles: That’s not true. The way you talked the other night sounded pretty negative to me, and then you disappeared with Jill when she was so wasted…
- Scott: Hey. Just because a guy talks about sex doesn’t mean he’s going to do something bad to a woman.
- Charles: It’s not that you were talking about sex, it’s how you were talking about it. Scott: How was I talking about it?
- Charles: Talking about women like they’re objects. Bragging in front of other guys about how much sex you have, or how hot some girl is. Talking all bad-ass in front of the other guys. I think when any guy does that he’s basically showing other guys that to be a real man you have to be some sexist macho tough-guy who sees drunk girls as targets and calls any guy who doesn’t go along with it a fag or a bitch.
- Scott: Maybe I did do some of that, but that still doesn’t make me a rapist.
(Yeah you’re a rapist cuz you had sex with a drunk girl.)
- Scott: Why do I feel like I’m under attack here for just doing what guys do?
- Charles: But what if the way some guys are acting isn’t actually healthy…for them or the people around them?
- Scott: But it seems so common.
- Charles: Where’s that idea come from?
- Scott: I don’t know. TV, my dad, guys from school. It’s everywhere.
(Blame your parents and everyone else for being a rapist.)
- Scott: (frustrated) Ugh. Charles, why are you being such a little pussy about all of this.
- Ana: Really Scott? A pussy?
- Scott: Whatever, sorry, it’s just a word, Ana. Relax.
(Mindless nonstop foul mouthed blather. For college freshmen.)
- Charles: Exactly. You say you respect women, Scott, but if you do, why would you use that as an insult in the first place? Don’t call me that.
- Scott: Fine. I’ll stop. But I still think you’re making a big deal out of nothing.
(And it’s ok for them to be friends.)
- Cal: Ha ha. I’m not kidding, Serena. I met her in my Comm class. We’re in the same group for our class presentation. She’s SO not my usual type. She’s definitely not a knock-out. It’s weird though because I’m really attracted to her personality. And that NEVER happens.
- Cal: Yeah, this is new to me. I really, really like her. I’ve never had sex with someone I was actually interested in.
- Charles: Well, what do you think makes good sex?
- Cal: Orgasm. Don’t you think you have to have an orgasm for it to be good?
(And this is better than studying math how?)
- Ana: I’ve only had sex with one person, but I think good sex is about having fun with it. Being playful. I mean, it’s not always perfectly sexy and stuff, so you’ve got to have fun with it.
- Miguel: That’s a really good point. I mean, I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve tried to do things I saw on TV or in movies because I thought they were going to be sexy, and they didn’t exactly turn out that way. Sex toys should really come with instructions.
- Serena: Well, I think sex is good when you don’t have to worry about how you perform. Charles: Seems to me it would also be nice when you don’t have to guess what the other person wants.
- Miguel: Totally. It’s kinda all about good teamwork. And when you have good sex, you want to play with your team again and again and again.
- Cal: What if I have sex with her, and it’s not good? Then I’ll regret it.
- Serena: I regretted sleeping with my ex the last time. We’d broken up and I did it even though I knew it was a bad idea. NOT a good choice on my part.
- Miguel: I regretted sex once too. I did it with my roommate’s girlfriend.
- Charles: Wow. Not cool.
- Miguel: I know, that’s why I regret it so much.
- Cal: Weren’t you worried she’d regret it too and blame you?
- Miguel: She did regret it but why do you think she would blame me?
- Cal: You know, like say you raped her so her boyfriend wouldn’t be mad at her?
- Miguel: Whoa, Cal. Regretted sex and rape are not the same thing.
(How to ruin the innocence of sex.)
- Miguel: Not to mention, I asked her and she asked me. We actually talked about it. It was just the wrong choice.
- Ana: I think asking is something that everyone should do. Just to be sure.
- Serena: Speaking of asking….I think even the way you ask someone to have sex can make sex better. One time a guy wrote in chocolate chips on my kitchen table, “You look amazing. Blink if you want to have sex.” It was funny, sweet and fun. And the sex was great.
(So even if you talk about it first it can still be bad sex. How to be totally lame.)
- Jill: I wanted to tell you guys that I’m gonna leave and go back home.
- Jessica: Oh Jill, that’s terrible news.
- Jill: It’s not terrible. Really it’s OK. I’ll come back in the spring when I’m feeling stronger. I’m already feeling better now that I’ve made this decision.
- Miguel: Is this cause of what happened with Scott?
- Jill: It’s because of a lot of things. I want to tell you guys something because you’ve been so great to me since I told you about what happened with Scott at that party. I’ve never told anyone this before. I was raped almost a year ago by a guy in my high school. I was drunk. We were all drunk, but I know he heard me say stop, don’t do this. He wasn’t a good friend, but we had known each other since middle school. I couldn’t believe he would do that. It was at a party. We were all having fun.
(Jill and Scott got drunk and Scott raped her so she’s leaving school.)
- Jessica: Why didn’t you tell us before?
- Miguel: Jessica, she’s telling us now, when she can. I’m so sorry Jill.
- Jessica: Right, right. I’m glad you’re telling us.
- Jill: Thanks. I thought I could just forget about it and move on. It was my senior year, I wanted to do all the things you do your last year. So I partied even though I didn’t feel like it. I didn’t want my life to be taken away by him and what he did. I drank a lot, went out with a lot of guys. It was a way to feel like I could make my own choices–like I was back in control.
(How to make up reasons for why you didn’t report the rape immediately.)
- Jill: I want to go home and tell my brother. He’ll help me figure out what to tell my parents. He’ll go with me to talk to somebody, maybe my high school counselor. I liked her. You know, the two of you have treated me with respect–like you really believe me. It’s helped me feel like I’m still in here somewhere. I was surprised you didn’t freak out, especially you Miguel. I thought a guy wouldn’t believe me or would just run away.
- Miguel: I learned a lot a couple of years ago when my best friend told me he was sexually abused as a kid. I freaked out. I’m not sure I believed him – I mean, he’s a rich, white kid and the guy who did it is well-known, a friend of his family. I couldn’t look at my friend anymore. All I could think about was what he said happened to him. It was awful. I was miserable.
(Go back to your high school counselor if you get raped in college. And you will need a therapist yourself if your friend is assaulted.)
- Miguel: That’s what I learned. Whether we’re kids or adults, we’re all vulnerable at some point. And if someone chooses to hurt us in a moment like that, there’s not much any of us can do.
- Jessica: You’re right. It’s sad that there are people who use sex as a way to feel powerful. It’s pathetic, and wrong.
(You are powerless to being sexually assaulted, even as an adult.)
- Miguel: A lot of people don’t believe kids and a lot of people don’t believe women who have been drinking. People don’t want to believe it cause it’s hard to understand and painful. For a lot of people it’s easier to say the person is confused, or it was just a miscommunication. I know that I didn’t want to believe it when my friend told me. Believing it meant the world was not the place I thought it was. It turned everything I knew upside down.
(If you don’t believe it it’s because you’re in denial and probably mentally ill yourself.)
- Miguel: It’s hard to tell someone about being assaulted or molested, so, if a friend tells you, be honored that they trust you even if you don’t know what to say. You can start by saying “I’m sorry this happened”, and “this is not your fault.” It will affect you, too. You may need to talk to someone about how you feel but be careful who you pick. It’s not your story so don’t tell people who know your friend. Find someone who knows these issues and is truly confidential.
- Jill: All I had ever heard about rape made me think that it was all my fault. I’m finally beginning to understand that it wasn’t and it helps to hear that from others. We talk about sex and rape like they’re connected. They’re not. What happened to me was not sex. It was a guy getting off on doing what he wanted to me. He’s the only one who should be ashamed, not me.
(Being told about a sexual assault is a badge of honor. Don’t be ashamed if you put yourself in a position to get raped, or at least to later claim ‘rape’.)
- Serena: I’m so frustrated with Brittney. I saw her after class and she started trashing Jill again, calling her a slut, saying “whatever happened, she deserved it.” Brittney so doesn’t get it.
- Jessica: She doesn’t want to get it. I think the truth scares her. Charles: Why?
- Jessica: She could lose all her cool friends, the ones who think if you support rape survivors it means you must hate men.
- Charles: I can understand Brittney’s fear. I feel that way about Scott. He’s my friend, well, I think he’s my friend, but when I try to talk to him about the way he treats women, he lashes out at me. I don’t think I’m gonna say anything else to him.
(Mindless moral relativism.)
- Charles: We got along so well when we first met. And now it feels like everything is an argument when all I’m asking him is to not say hurtful or dangerous things. He lays into me. I keep wondering if I can come up with exactly the right thingsto say so he’ll understand.
- Miguel: That’s a trap, Charles. You’re doing what you can. You’re really trying, and that’s all anyone can ask.
- Jessica: You’re planting a seed. Someday it might make a difference. Maybe Scott will think about it and begin to understand.
- Serena: Besides, you make it clear that you like him and want to stay his friend. You never call him names. I think he hears you.
(Always befriend the rapist – friendship soothes the savage rapist.)
- Charles: Why do guys get so combative as soon as you bring up rape?
- Serena: It’s like questioning rape means they can’t be men anymore. They act like you’re accusing them, even though that’s not what we’re doing. We know most men don’t rape.
- Miguel: Totally. It’s weird. A lot of good men pretend they’re jerks. That’s part of why it’s so hard to stand up to them.
- Jessica: I find it really hard to speak up, especially to guys because they’ll call me a dyke or a lesbo. They’re vicious. It’s like just because I’m gay, what I’m saying shouldn’t matter. Or because I’m a lesbian, I’m saying this because I hate men.
- Charles: I didn’t want to confront those guys in the hallway because I knew they would call me a pussy. And guys like that are usually racist, too.
- Miguel: I grew up poor and I’ve had bullies use that against me.
- Charles: Did they also put you down for being Latino?
- Miguel: Sometimes, yeah. People who disrespect others will use all kinds of things to be hurtful.
(Absurd blather modeled for impressionable college students.)
- Jessica: People who disrespect others automatically see them as less, and that’s what opens the door for violence.
- Serena: That’s what I wish I could get Brittney to understand. Maybe she’s not being violent, but calling Jill a slut lets Scott, or whoever, think Jill doesn’t deserve respect.
(How to pretend to respect someone so that you can rape them later and no one will suspect it.)