Red Face Club

AddictionMyth is excited to announce the inauguration of the Red Face Club1.  This is the club that you join when you feel your cheeks reddening and burning because one day you let your mouth get ahead of your brain and then just when your brain catches up you suddenly realize that google has already indexed and archived your words for all eternity, and curse the fact that you live in America which really should be more like Europe.

We would like to announce the inaugural member of the Red Face Club, Senior Attorney at Law Dale Berkly of the NIH, who sent the following letter alleging allegations of naughtiness over here at AddictionMyth.  We encourage Dr Berkley to submit a selfie, as we will soon be holding contests for the reddest faces!

Letter to Addiction Myth 5-12-2014

[AddictionMyth replied through his attorney that the posts were indeed written in a drunken stupor as suspected, and while not admitting guilt, is now furiously attempting to identify the specific character defects that triggered the cravings that precipitated the debacle.  Unfortunately, there are many.  He welcomes suggestions for Higher Powers with expertise in 'ignorance' and/or 'arrogance'.  He looks forward to making amends for his alleged2 sins, though he's not asking anyone to die for them just yet.]

In other news, the ‘cray-cray’ conspiracy theories of Addiction Myth have been fully vindicated by experts in all fields.   The following quotes are just a small sample of the praise received:

Imsos Marti, professor of Psychobiopharmakinetics at the Harvard Center for Applied Metacognition said, “AddictionMyth’s withering satire of biologist Aaron White is an indictment of the field of Addiction Science.  Addiction Science is tantamount to witchcraft.  Can we still dunk witches?”

Professor Anita Huggs of the UCLA Center for Advanced Loving Kindness said, “Addicts are every bit as stupid as AddictionMyth portrays.  I work with them daily and they are indeed complete dolts.  Sometimes you just want to say, ‘Why do you do so much drugs?  You are a complete dolt!’  But we can’t because that’s unethical, and anyway intelligence is stubbornly fixed at birth.  We are currently focusing on boosting the natural hormones that increase one’s sense of well-being.  It’s like giving them a permanent hug without actually having to touch them.  It’s like a chemical Thundershirt for people, if you will.  Why do drugs when you feel loved?  That’s my theory.  And it’s working great for my dog, so far at least.”

Dave Eggers, best selling author and satirist, wrote: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.

Clancy Martin, UMKC Professor of Philosophy and Ethics says: “These days, everyone has their own theory of what addiction is.  We’re starting to discover the fundamental relativism of all moral and scientific judgments.  AddictionMyth’s theory is as good as any, even though he never experienced true raging alcoholism like I did (and which nearly killed me!).  So what if the theory is riddled with lies and self-contradiction and implicates the government in a mass homicide and ultimately may destroy modern civilization?  At least it’s not blatantly Christian.  Hypocrisy: get used to it.  That’s what I always say.”

1 Capacity in the Red Face Club is strictly limited to 6,000,000,000.  Don’t miss your chance!  Join now!

2 My lawyer made me add this.

3 thoughts on “Red Face Club”

  1. I like dave eggers’ “endorsement.” Your writing reminds me of his. I’ve been reeling this week after realizing that I was a member of a crazy cult for five years of my life, so the humor you offer in the midst of this serious topic is appreciated.

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